One of the top 100 most influential people of 2009 is a man named Paul Ekman. The reason he is so influential is partly due to his work together with John Cleese on the documentary “The Human Face” put out by the BBC.

Our faces are amazing!  The reason that Ekman influenced the world is that until he did his studies, people thought our facial expressions were based on the culture we come from. Paul Ekman showed this was not the case and identified emotions like anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise as being universal understood and used and not based on cultural learning.

We are wired to understand these emotions in the faces of others and are wired to produce them ourselves! Ekman went on to point out that we have micro expressions that unconsciously tell others when we are lying but that only about one in 300 people can understand these without training.

Our face is unique, a wonderful contribution to the world that links us to others in a way which is intimate and revealing at the same time. Each crease, line, or fold talks to others about our lives bothe past and present.

When you get old, what type of face would you like to have? What you do and feel really influences that! I’m not talking of the creams and face care products we use as they simply delay the inevitable. I am talking about our attitude to life!

You see, if we smile often and have a positive outlook, as the years pass by our face will take on the folds of laughter and joy. We will become a pleasure to look at and due to our practice over time, a pleasure to be with!

If however we have an angry outlook on life, distrusting of others, we will have a face folded into frowns with creased at the corners of our mouths indicating our distaste of life (and those around us). This practice over the years will make others avoid us, and we will probably have an embittered and lonely end to our lives.

Which of these faces do you plan to settle into your older years with?

Then, the scientists have found out something else, they have found out by practicing establishing emotions on our faces, we take on those emotions!

In other words if you carefully reproduce specific emotions of anger, or fear, even when you are happy, within a short time you will change your mood and start to experience the emotions you have mimic’d. If you do the same with joy, you can lift your spirit and start to feel better! The psychologists tell us that to a certain extent we take our emotions from our facial expressions and body language.

Doesn’t this give strength to the words of the sacred writings
 

      So drive worry out of your heart.”[1]

Wise words! Let's be happy and let our faces reflect that. Let’s give our worries to God to take care of so they don’t etch themselves into our faces. Let’s be transparent with others, because if they are trained, they can read your lies right there on your face!

Similarly, when you have God in your heart, your face starts to change and show it! In some strange way it gets more peaceful and pleasant for others to experience. If we get a deep experience with God our faces seem to glow with an underlying energy. The sacred writings talk of a guy Moses who got close to seeing God’s face and the effect was that his own face became so brilliant that he had to cover it with a veil to protect those looking at him.

A but weird, but what we are learning seems to point out that in a lesser way our faces radiate a spiritual quality into the environment. We need to allow God to work on this important part of us. It will change our lives.

As Paul says

“Now we see only a dim likeness of things. It is as if we were seeing them in a mirror. But someday we will see clearly. We will see face to face. What I know now is not complete. But someday I will know completely, just as God knows me completely.”[2]

We will be able to read everything properly one day. Let’s start by getting our hearts and attitudes right now! Then as time moves to an end, we will be a pleasure to be with and will get to know others and God with more and more clarity.

Today I want to pause in my discussion of “How not to screw up a relationship” and address a different topic. That topic of “church vision and re-branding”!

Why?

Yesterday I went to one church denominational vision meeting where they propounded how there is a need to change their name and come up with a different brand of church. This is a weird discussion!

Christ is independent of our brands and men’s playing with words! He is the supreme God of the universe! If people aren’t coming into the church’s it’s because they are no longer relevant. Are they kidding themselves that by changing a name they will get a new lease of life?

Nonsense! That only adds insult to injury. Are they so misinformed as to not understand that we as young people can see through the marketing hype to the core values?

What do I mean? Well notice that part about Jesus being the “truth”. I will explain soon.

Then there is another part of the sacred writings that is perhaps not fully comprehended “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”[2]

I suggest the church has forgotten what truth is! Many denominations(i.e. flavors of churchs) cannot face the facts of life and refuse to honestly look at the bible in light of current knowledge. Somehow they have placed themselves in the role of protector of the “biblical truth” and in so doing have usurped God’s role. [Maybe they just don't have the skills to do it in which case my answer is "retool"]

Needless to say church members aren’t God and so have failed miserably at it. Instead of accepting facts and truths of lives, they propound have researched "faith" statements, probably many based on a 16th centuary translation of the remnants of God's original writings. My comment is get modern, get up to date, get relevant!

Please church members, understand that we make stupid, ignorant and nasty mistakes (sin) like the rest of  humanity! Acknowledge that! Start to face facts instead of ignoring or devaluing them. Do this even even if the facts are unpleasant to us initially. Acknowledge truth that becomes firmly established. God's truth is true, and if it isn't then I will be first to admit it. So far I haven't found God's word to be false in my studies that cover psychology, astronomy, cosmology, archeology, history, geology and I could go on!

One of the key facts I think we need to understand is that we don’t need to fear science!

God is “truth” and so if we honestly accept both God’s word and science and work feverishly to understand how the two align (instead of trying feverishly to make out that Christian’s that are scientists  must be paid lip service) THEN WE WILL START TO BE BLESSED.

People who say science and religion cannot be reconciled are crazy and don't know the christian religion. There are peices we can't reconcile yet, but as more knowledge is gained, the bible becomes more and more real and alive! We need to do what it suggests! God wrote it! If we start to forget our buildings and pontificating, and instead teach, assist and uplift others in love, then we will have an ability to improve our communities. the church will be relevant independent of the "name" or "brand"!

For example. . .Why is the church not fully behind the green movement? Most of younger people are! They know we have to look after God’s earth! That is a godly command we need to follow whether we believe in global warming or not!

Let’s be relevant! Let’s start a TRUTH revolution within the church! Also, let’s use technology to it’ fullest! We are not living in the 16th centuary. I hate to say this but Luther is dead! The worlds problems he was addressing have gone! We have new ones to deal with! The catholic church needs to understand this just as much as protestants! We are all kidding ourselves and need to get real!

Do you know some people think I am wasting my life by writing this blog?

I sincerely hope not! I do hope that I help you and others! Maybe you don't agree with everything I write, thats okay, but at least it is written in truth and gets us thinking doesn't it?

Let’s all try to do something to make our communities and neighbours’ life better. It doesn’t have to have a church tag attached. Brands are not important, God is!

Perhaps I can ask some of you to add some comments to my guest book on my site giving me some feedback! I really want to be able to represent your view when I talk to others and try and improve our lives and that of our church. Let me know if I am missing the boat! How about some feedback 

(PS: the guest book is in the column on the right part way down. it allows you to write odd comments).

Hey! No matter what have a great day! Be blessed! Bless someone else today!

We are looking at these in turn. Today I will address criticism! This is disapproval that we express as negative comments or thoughts that tend to be judgmental.

Criticism is something that is negative in relationships. Criticism is different from making our views known, because it is something that is directed at the other person. Normally we have some need to change them.  

Why is criticism so often considered negative? Is it because it can lower a persons self esteem?

We have all been shocked by a criticism attack at some time or another where we personally are being degraded or thought less of. This is not the Christian way of communicating. We are told to talk from the perspective of love! In other words, when we are to reveal some difficult information to a person there are some steps we have to go through. Firstly we are to pray about what we need to do, (Not what the other person must change!). We need to search ourselves to determine that what we are reacting to is not something we just prefer because we are culturally or socially different to the other person. Then we need to pray until God gives us a love for the other person. Then, and only then, should we be willing to speak to them!

When we do communicate, let's talk about the subject and avoid attacking aspects of the persons personality. God will deal with them directly on personality issues and by showing them our example when we are around them. Focus on the issue, not the person, and then it will have minimal ability to hurt the persons self-esteem!

If you have a relationship with them, they are important! If you haven’t, they are important to God, and maybe we still need to discover that importance. God gave us all talents, but differently. That’s what makes this world the interesting place it is!

When we rub against each other it's not the activity that causes the problem, but the thinking that we are better than them. We aren’t! God loves us all!

Previously I described how Malcolm Gladwell[1] in his new #1 bestseller blink describes how marriages can be predicted to fail or succeed based on a couple having a fifteen minute discussion on a selected subject while being monitored to carefully review their facial expressions. He describes how a guy by the name of Gottman who specializes in this says these would be defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt.

Let's look at these in turn. Today I will address stonewalling. This is when somebody delays, or fails to respond especially by refusing to answer questions or cooperate in a constructive way.

If we do this in relationships we are asking for them to break down. Relationships are built on communication and positive responses. How can we ever think that by doing this that we will somehow overcome the problem and be successful? We all get hurt at some time or other by another. The first thing we need to ask ourselves is whether the relationship is one where the person doing the hurting is doing it because they want to have nothing to do with us. If that's the case and we never want to have anything to do with them, then stonewalling is a technique that will break it up.

If however this is someone we want to get along with, want to love or do, and want to at any point in the future have alongside us, then we need to get rid of the stonewalling approach. It's a relationship breaker with great power!

Even tiny amounts of stonewalling work in like poison into a relationship.

If we appreciate others, we will be willing to answer them honestly even when it hurts. If they do hurt us, we need to tell them that they are doing so in a loving manner and ask them if this was their intent. When they answer, if the answer is half appropriate, we should accept it and move on with constructive comments to repair and build back our friendship.

In a broken love situation, remember stonewalling looses a potential friend as well as a lover. Friendship is what give joy and happiness.

Let's not stonewall those we love! If we are to love others, that means we need to be open and honest with them. That's my plan today! What about you? 

[1] Gladwell, Malcom, blink, New York, Back Bay books, 2007

We have a responsibility to look after what God provides! We have bodies that God gave to us! No matter what shape, form, capability or strength we have, our bodies should be used the way God intended. To over feed our bodies is not looking after them. To underfeed them is not looking after them. We need to be sensible! Consider them this way. My body is on loan and the owner will want to know why I treated it the way I did. How can we truthfully explain away the gluttony and other mistreatments that we do to ourselves?

Will you feed a small child food until it chokes and finally throws up? So why do we do this to ourselves sometimes?
 
Many of us live in absolute luxury in North America. How about we just tone it down a bit, and take that money and put it somewhere where it can help others. Operation Hunger, the Christian Children's Fund, send some to Haiti to help with the latest disaster. Every little bit helps!

How much do we have to give up to save $5. If everyone in North America did this and then sent the money to Haiti, it would probably solve most of that country's problem. (See my blogblog Love, hate, Haiti? at www.KenXBriggs.com to see how much that can help).

Let's eat and drink responsibly! Lets be careful not to jump and starting eating too soon when eating with others. Lets not waste money on exotic expnseive foods when simpler foods would do just fine. Lets eat more slowly and limit ourselves to what our body needs rather than what our mind wants. Let's not waste food by taking too much and eating small amounts. Let's eat what we take but take only what we need. Let's not stuff our mouths so much others are disgusted. Let's respect food and pay the right amount of interest to it but not too much.

That way we respect ourselves, others and God's will in our life!